Standing alone

Submitted to: Youths Of the West – A Western Mirror publication

“The young lady I’ve committed to spending the rest of my life with cheated on me. What’s worse, she doesn’t know that I know, and I think I want to keep it that way” – P.A.

I’m not exactly sure whether this is the right medium for what I’m about to say, but given that I’m just 24 years old, this seems as good a place as any to get this off my chest. Now, I’m not exactly sure what I seek to get from this impending admission; perhaps I just need to lift this burden off my chest, or simply, at the risk of sounding like a narcissist, to be center stage for once in all of this.

I recently got engaged. Yes, I’m young, in some people’s eyes, but I know what I want… at least I’m convinced I do, and if it hadn’t been clear up to this point, I’m a male. My confession? The young lady I’ve committed to spending the rest of my life with cheated on me. What’s worse, she doesn’t know that I know, and I think I want to keep it that way. At this point, you may be thinking I should leave, but doing that is the least of my confusion at this point. The main reason why I sought to write this to YOW, is this: despite knowing that just after two weeks after we got engaged, she hooked up with an ex (I’ve got picture evidence to prove it), I still want to marry her, and in some strange way, even more than I wanted to initially. Perhaps foolishly, I still love her.

Before you judge me, please consider that I’ve known about and wrestled with knowing about her infidelity for a while, but I feel no differently towards her where it really matters. That’s love, right? Or maybe those are the ramblings of someone with low self-esteem or low self- worth, right? Either ways, I can’t say for sure why I feel the way I do, but I kid you not, she looks at me today with more love in her eyes than she ever did. And I can feel it too.

Honestly, it hurts like hell to know that perhaps I wasn’t enough for her, which caused her to step outside of the boundaries of our committed relationship, but mishaps do happen. She’s just 22, and perhaps, despite her love for me, she feels like there are things she still needs to figure out. Before now, we had been together for 8 years, and although we had our challenges there, there was never any doubt that we would end up staring the future in the face together. I’m just about done with college, and she has two years left, and already, I’ve secured a pretty decent job.

She hasn’t given me any hints of what happened, but her recent overflow of affection has indicated some sort of remorse. Or maybe I’m just choosing to believe that. But people make mistakes, and maybe I just want to feel like I’m not being naïve, but aren’t those things a given in love? When you’re young, and you’ve got a good thing, maybe the last thing you’re supposed to do is walk away from it. Of course, that’s all dependent upon what the issue is, but when you know what you have, work at it, and give your love a chance to prove it can withstand certain tests. It’s very likely that many of you won’t understand why I won’t confront her about this, even though I have hard evidence, but you have got to pick your battles. I don’t know what the future holds for us, but I know what I want it to be.

I want to grow old with this woman, and I want us to survive these trials together. This isn’t a case of infatuation, but love in every sense of the word. So if you ever find yourself in a similar situation, and I hope you don’t, think about what you have. And think about your life without it. If you feel right without them, go, but if you don’t, stand and fight.

I love you dearest, and that’s all that matters now. I forgive you, and we will survive this.

As I write this, we are getting ready to go out on a date, and she just swung by in her dress to randomly kiss me. And I’m supposed to give this all up right now? I can’t. Not yet.

YOW, know what’s important to you, and hold on to it.

I’ll let you know how the wedding goes LOL. 🙂

Thank you for allowing me to share this.

Yours truly,


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